


Together We Are Going Places/Together We Are Going Down

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Malec One Shots [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Post S3E19, things turn out okay in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 21:25:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18582880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which Magnus realizes his mistake in trusting Asmodeus and pays a heavy price





	Together We Are Going Places/Together We Are Going Down

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a prompt from Tumblr/Pintrest 'Character B is bleeding heavily while Character A tries to staunch the blood, but Character B is more concerned that stoic Character A is sobbing and panicking.' my response to the prompt then morphed into something else from there...

_“Sometimes I'd see my father, walking past my building on his way to another nowhere. I could have given him a key, offered a piece of my floor. A futon. A bed. But I never did. If I let him inside I would become him, the line between us would blur, my own slow-motion car wreck would speed up. The slogan on the side of a moving company truck read TOGETHER WE ARE GOING PLACES--modified by a vandal or a disgruntled employee to read TOGETHER WE ARE GOING DOWN. If I went to the drowning man the drowning man would pull me under. I couldn't be his life raft.”_  
~Nick Flynn

* * *

The world is ending around him, the portal above them just barely closed, but the damage already rendered, he’d sent his father off back to Edom on a one-way trip, but, again, the damage has already been done. He did what he could to fix what he’d broken, saved more mundanes than he can count, healed more Shadowhunters than he thinks he’s ever met before today, healing them and sending them back into the fight. But he’s all out now, nothing left in him to give, magic sparking uselessly at his fingertips when he tries to summon it, his legs feeling like lead.

 _I did what I could._ Is the thought that rushes through his mind as his legs give way beneath him and he plummets to the earth, face down in the rubble. He rolls with a groan, as he presses his hand down over his side, slick with blood, where one of his numerous siblings had gotten in a lucky bite earlier on in the fighting, would have bitten him in half if he hadn’t immediately turned them to ashes. He swallows thickly, tries to ignore the blood he can taste on his tongue, on his lips. _I did what I could._  Is his silent prayer to the sky above him, still streaked through with red.

“Magnus?” he hums at the sound of his name being called, isn’t sure when he closed his eyes, but he opens them to blink up at the man who was his whole world.

“Alexander.” He slurs, isn’t sure if the name comes out any definition of the word ‘coherent’, but it’s no longer something he can help. “Why are you crying?” he mumbles, reaching up to wipe away the tears streaming down Alec’s face, his movements clumsy, his arm so heavy, his fingers so stiff, but Alec doesn’t pull away.

“Stop talking.” Alec demands, his fingers shaking as they press against the wound in Magnus’ side that Magnus has already given up as a lost cause. “Save your strength.” Alec says, the words coming out more a sob than anything else, Magnus frowns, able to count on one hand the times he’s seen Alec cry.

“You know I’m horrible at following orders.” Magnus points out, a smile tugging at his lips, Alec lets out a watery laugh and then scowls at him.

“Shut up! Stop talking!” Alec snaps, tears streaming unchecked down his face. “Just shut up, you need to… you need save your strength.” Alec orders him again, sucking in a breath. “Take my strength, Magnus. Take whatever you need.” He pleads, but Magnus doesn’t have the heart to tell him that no amount of strength will save him.

“I didn’t know you cared.” He says, instead, the words bringing fuzzy, indistinct memories to mind, and he doesn’t know why he shouldn’t say them, but knows the moment they’ve tumbled out of his mouth, he should have done everything he could to keep them in, keep them unspoken. Isn’t sure why the sight of Alec breaking down into helpless sobs sends an odd feeling of pain shooting through his heart. “Don’t cry.”

“You’re not supposed to die.” Alec tells him, the words barely comprehensible, though Magnus isn’t sure if that’s because they’re said through sobs or if it’s the fog that’s settling on his mind. He considers it could be a mix of both things.

“Death comes to us all in time.” Magnus promises him, his eyes slipping shut as he loses the ability to keep them open. “It would… it would be really nice to rest for a little while, Alexander.”

“No, no, stay with me. Come on, stay with me, Magnus!” Alec begs, helpless and frantic in a way Magnus is entirely sure he’s never heard before. Alexander Lightwood doesn’t do frantic.

“I can’t.” he answers, feels like they're repeating someone else’s words, but he can’t recall the memory of them, can’t wade through the thick mess that his memories have become to determine if his hunch is true. “’M Sorry.” He mumbles, feels the darkness creeping up, when he gasps suddenly, as fire seems to rush through him, the shock of it sends him hurtling into the dark, the last thing he’s aware of is a familiar voice assuring him that he’ll live.

* * *

He wakes to an intense pain in his side, hissing out a breath when awareness fully returns, alongside a spike of fear and anxiousness as his hand scrambles to his side, only to be caught gently and held, he squints his eyes open and tries to see through blurry vision who is with him, but quickly gives up, scrunching his eyes up against the pain.

“Shh, Magnus, it’s alright.” Ragnor’s voice promises him, followed by soothing magic and the pain dissipating until it’s gone. “There you are, just breathe. I’ve dulled the pain, but you’re still hurt, cherub. You let one of your siblings bite you, you’ll be recovering for a while.”

“You’re alive.” Magnus whispers, slowly opening his eyes when the panic and fear he’d felt upon waking has finally cleared. He stares up at Ragnor, and looks around the room he’s in, recognizing the room Ragnor had set aside for him in his house well over a century ago. He sucks in a shaking breath and turns his attention back to his old friend.

“Mhm, so are you.” Ragnor tells him, with a teasing smile. “I’ll explain my miraculous survival later, there’s someone who wants to see you. Please keep your temper in check, you do not want to break the magic on your wound.”

“Oh?”

“I’ll just go get them. I’m pleased you’re alive, Magnus.” Ragnor assures him, bending forward to press a gentle kiss to Magnus’ forehead, Magnus smiles at the action.

“I’m happy you’re alive, too, have you told Cat?”

“She’s aware.” Ragnor promises, as he stands up and leaves the room. Magnus can hear quiet whispers from the room beyond, and wonders who his mystery guest is.

“Magnus.” He glances to the doorway, his eyes going wide as he sees Alec hovering at the threshold.

“Alexander.” He greets, as Alec finally works up the courage to enter the room. “I thought… don’t you have Institute business to be dealing with?”

“Magnus, you nearly died.” Alec points out, falling boneless into the chair pushed up beside the bed.

“So?” Magnus asks, brows furrowing. “You made it very clear I was no longer your _obligation,_ so, shouldn’t you be at the Institute, dealing with the aftermath of an invasion of Asmodei?”

“Magnus?” Alec exclaims, looking like Magnus has torn out his heart, Magnus looks away, Alec tore out his, first.

“Look, I’m really grateful you weren’t going to let me just die alone, but I’m alive now, so you don’t have to pretend like you care what happens to me anymore.” Magnus points out, closing his eyes, his hand resting gently over the wound in his side that’s covered by a multitude of bandages and smelling of more tinctures, salves, and poultices than he's able to name. “I’m sure there are Shadowhunters whose bedside you should be sitting beside instead of mine, so you can go.”

“But what if I want to be here?” Alec asks, his voice breaking, Magnus shrugs.

“You just feel like you should be, because I nearly died beneath your hands.” He explains, gently, like he’s speaking to a child. “The feeling will pass, I assure you, then you’re free to carry on as you were before.”

“That’s not what this is.” Alec argues, but Magnus just laughs.

“Trust me, Alec. I’ve been through my share of situations like this. You feel some responsibility for me because I nearly died in your hands, but in a few days, you’ll realize that I’m fine and you don’t need to be here, and you’ll be able to go back to your normal life. Don’t make this something it’s not. You don’t love me, I’m probably in more pieces than I was when you left me, so don’t delude yourself into believing the so called ‘spark’ you fell in love with is back. It’s not.”

“I never stopped loving you.” Alec snaps, surprising Magnus so much, he opens his eyes to stare as his former lover.

“What?”

“I never stopped loving you. I broke up with you because your father promised to give your magic back if I did. I wasn’t allowed to tell you or the deal would be broken, but Ragnor explained that once your father gave your magic back to you, it wasn’t his to claim again, so I can tell you now.” Alec explains, the words just seeming to fall out of his mouth. “I never stopped loving you. It destroyed me to leave you, but I wanted you to be happy, you told me you might never be happy again without your magic.”

“That wasn’t your choice to make.” He whispers, an odd mixture of horror and intense love rushing through him.

“I’m allowed to break up with you if it is what I think is best for one or both of us.” Alec answers, shaking his head. “I thought I was doing the right thing. Be angry about it all you want, but I had the right to make that choice, just like you had the right to choose to give up your magic. Just like you had the right to choose to give up the loft without speaking to me, first. Some things we should discuss with each other, but we don’t _have_ to. I did what I thought was right.” Magnus considers Alec’s words, wanting to angrily rant against them, but he knows that Alec has a point. If Alec is not free to break up with him whenever he believes it is best for either or both of them, then what sort of relationship do they have? Trapping each other, never letting go, it wouldn’t be right, it wouldn’t be healthy.

“You’re correct. Just like I had the right to break our love lock.” Magnus answers, knowing it’s a petty shot, but he so does not feel forgiving in this moment.

“I… okay, fine, I deserved that.” Alec mumbles, jaw clenched as he looks away. “Is there any chance, any at all, that we could… I don’t want to lose you again.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before making deals with my father.” Magnus retorts, crossing his arms angrily over his chest, and hissing when the movement pulls at his wound, a sharp stab of pain rushing through him, followed by a continuous burning ache. “Ragnor!” he yells, groaning and pushing his hands back down over the wound. “Don’t touch me.” He hisses at Alec, when the Shadowhunter reaches forward, his words have an immediate effect, as Alec pulls back like he’s been struck.

“I told you not to break the magic.” Ragnor scolds, as he rushes into the room, magic already licking at his fingers as he once again dulls the pain. “Perhaps you should discuss this later?”

“No, no we’re fine.” Magnus assures him, trying to calm his breathing as the pain begins to ebb away.  

“If you break the magic again, I won’t be giving you a choice.” Ragnor warns them both, before he retreats.

“You have to give me time.” Magnus says, turning his attention to Alec, who is looking at him like he’s seen a ghost. “What?”

“I didn’t realize you were still…”

“I got bitten by an Asmodei, most people don’t live to tell the tale.” Magnus answers, breathing deeply and closing his eyes. “You have to give me time, Alexander. Things are different now than when we broke up. I created a portal into Edom!”

“You also closed the portal, saved a great many mundanes, and healed a load of Shadowhunters who lived to tell the tale!” Alec replies, shaking his head. “Some of the Shadowhunters weren’t even from New York, but they all spoke of how Magnus Bane suddenly appeared at their side when they thought they were going to die and he healed them before moving on to the next one. The Clave wanted to arrest you, but with testimonials from Shadowhunters from multiple Institutes, they’ve officially issued you a pardon. There will be no sanction taken against you for what was done.”

“I’m relieved, but it doesn’t bring back all the people who died, Alec.”

“Well, no.” Alec admits, with a heavy sigh. “Nothing will bring them back, Magnus. You just have to find a way to make amends.”

“You have to give me time.” Magnus says again, opening his eyes and frowning at Alec. “I wouldn’t be opposed to having another friend with me while I recover, but I’m not ready for anything more right now, Alec.”

“Then I’ll be your friend.” Alec answers, with a shrug of his shoulders, as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. “If that’s what you need, then that’s what I’ll be.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Recovery is a long, painful process. It is days before Magnus is allowed to leave his sickbed and when he does, Alec and Ragnor both hover around him, ready to catch him should he fall. He finds it as annoying as he finds it touching, and it only gets worse when Cat arrives with Madzie for a visit. The little girl spends the time following Magnus everywhere he goes and curling up beside him whenever he’s confined back in bed. Cat spends the time equally between quietly making Ragnor pay for deceiving them and letting them believe he was dead, and sitting at Magnus’ bedside, gently scolding him for thinking he always has to do everything on his own.

It’s well into his third week of recovery, where everyone has finally stopped hovering that he figures out something is wrong with Alec. When he asks Alec is reluctant to answer, but finally gives in when he realizes Magnus really doesn’t have all that much else to do but nag.

“I’ve been suspended, pending review.” Alec finally tells him, shrugging his shoulders. “I was the one who had Vera channel Asmodeus and therefore the reason Asmodeus was given a doorway to our world. The Clave are determining if my actions broke the Law, and if so what to do about it.” He explains, tries not to look as nervous as he so obviously feels.

“Well, the reason Vera’s work was so profitable for her is that it’s not against the Law, no matter who you’ve requested to be channelled.” Magnus answers, shrugging his shoulders, ignores the way it pulls at the still healing wound. “They’ll figure that out eventually.”

“I suppose.” Alec replies, with a small smile. “How are you feeling?” he asks, a question they’ve all restrained themselves from asking every five minutes.

“Not good, but I’m better today than I was yesterday, so I’m getting there.” Magnus answers him honestly with a smile pulling at his lips. “Ragnor thinks I’ll be able to visit the Hunter’s Moon soon, catch up with everyone. Raphael’s apparently been making a nuisance of himself since no one will tell him where I am.”

“I didn’t realize you guys were so close.” Alec answers, Magnus frowns, realizing that he’s never once told Alec of his relationship with Raphael, which is honestly confusing and hard to believe, since he thought it should have come up at some point, at least once, but it never did.

“Raphael is… he is the son of my heart.” Magnus finally admits, finding the correct words. “He was only fourteen when he was turned, I picked him up off the streets, I raised him.”

“Oh.”

“You know, I’m really not sure what I’m going to do when he dies.” Magnus says, quietly, before shaking his head. “Anyway, are you going to come with me to the Hunter’s Moon, when I’m finally allowed to go?”

“Of course, you don’t even have to ask.”

* * *

It takes weeks for Magnus to fully recover, and even when he does, he knows he’ll carry the scar of his siblings’ teeth marks for the rest of his life. He knows he can glamour it away but isn’t sure he wants to, sees it as a reminder of what happens when he lets his father manipulate him, a reminder of what happens when he lets his father in, for even a single second. So, he leaves his scars visible. Over the course of his recovery, he lets Alec closer, and closer, until eventually the both of them agree they’ve become a thing again, that they’ve become _Malec_ as Clary once jokingly called them.

Things there are slow, too, little kisses and little touches here and there, but nothing more. Ragnor constantly informs them that Magnus is in no way fit enough for sex, a warning that Alec blushes about repeatedly while Magnus takes to throwing pillows and other assorted items at his old friend until he shuts up. Still, they both heed his warning, until Ragnor announces that Magnus is as healed as magic can make him and now all he needs is time. So, they return to Brooklyn, where Alec leads him along familiar streets to his loft, explaining that Lorenzo stood himself down as High Warlock after the invasion, and has fled to parts unknown after surrendering the loft to Alec.

Alec goes on to explain that in the weeks during Magnus’ recovery, he asked Cat to get the loft set up for them, exactly as it had been before Magnus gave it to Lorenzo, so when the front door opens before them, everything is exactly as they left it before Magnus had given it up.

“Alec.”

“Welcome home.” Alec says with a smile, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

“You are my home.” Magnus answers, with a laugh. “Yes, it’s nice to have an actual home, but you know what they say, home is where the heart is. You’re my heart.”

“You’re my everything.” Alec agrees, breathing in deeply. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now. I’m absolutely over being celibate, so, how about we go and christen our new bed?” Magnus questions, laughing when Alec scoops him up in his arms and carries him across the threshold and down to the master bedroom, Magnus slams the front door behind them with magic.


End file.
